I've referred to myself as a connoisseur of the first date, the master of the one armed hug and a whole lot of other things that are not consistent with someone seeking a second date. You see, I've been there; the end of the night comes and meets the end of your date. By this point I've got it down as to whether or not I'll be going on another date with someone or not and, certainly, my date knows this as well, perhaps a lot sooner than at the end of the date. However, we're going to focus on the scenario of opting out of subsequent dates with someone you just don't want to see again.Why is it that you wouldn't want to go on a second date with someone? Well, there's really too many reasons why to list them all here. Given my personality and jovial ways, I've been out with women that I thought were fun and had good personalities and were attractive but I just didn't want to go out with them again for one reason or another, for whatever reason.
Sometimes, I'll end a date saying “we'll talk soon” or “we should go out again sometime.” I'm obviously an idiot and I shouldn't say those things if I don't mean them, I justify it by saying I'm sparing the woman's feelings when, in fact, I'm being an immature putz. In my more recent dating adventures, if I'm not interested, I'll just give the gal a friendly one-armed hug, smile and say “good night” and leave things at that. That's how one should do it, I feel.
However, I began to find that some women were left with the question: Do you want to see me again? Since I'd decided that not returning phone calls or texts wasn't the mature way to handle those situations I knew I needed to man up and tell these women how I felt… Or throw in a “white lie,” if you will. What really tipped the scales to this new direction was a lunch meeting I had with a sales person I deal with frequently. We were talking about personal growth. He was saying that to really grow, we have to step outside of our comfort zone… A light went on at that point.
Exhibit A – I'd been dating this girl that I wasn't crazy about, why I was wasting my time and hers I don't recall. We hadn't even “been together.” I called her up that night and told her that and told her that we should see other people. It was a weird convo, actually. . I assaulted the women in the dating world with a new found gusto of honesty.
Exhibit B – I'd gone on one date with ‘Kate,' and she texted me mere minutes after our date ended, I hadn't even gotten back to my car. She flatly asked, “You don't really want to go out with me again, do you?” Kate was sweet and all, but I didn't feel a connection. So I replied and told her just that. She replied, “Your loss.” Fair enough.
Exhibit C – Another gal I'd been out with, ‘Samantha,' was just an awkward date and we were just too different, in my mind, to make any sort of “go of it.” Again, I'd given her a hug and gently tugged away from what may have been a kiss. Sam looked at me and said, “Oookay, then. Talk to you soon.” I said “good night” and went on my way. She called me two days later, I didn't answer. She left a voice mail stating she'd had fun and to give her a call back. So, I did. We talked briefly and when a second date was brought up, I said I didn't think a “date-centric” rendezvous was a good idea based on our differences. I got hung up on. Nice.
If you don't want to go out with someone, you should tell them so. Do it nicely, if possible. Some people need the blunt approach and even then that doesn't work. Pepper spray always works on me.
Until next time, go hurt some feelings.
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