Men tend to be more attracted to women who they perceive to communicate their needs clearly and concisely. Men are very direct in the way they communicate. Have you ever heard the phrase, “It’s not what you say but how you say it.”? When you talk to a man in shorter and more direct phrases, he is more likely to listen to you and take the necessary corrective action you’re looking for.
If you want to get your message through to him, you must first learn how to communicate effectively. Taking your communication from combative and argumentative to effective and engaging will skyrocket the intimacy in your relationship.
1. Instead of saying “What am I doing wrong?” try “Is there something that you need from me or Is there something I’m overlooking that you need my attention to?”
2. Instead of “Why can’t we talk without arguing?” try “I would like for us to be able to communicate in a way that we hear each other’s concerns and respect one another’s perspective.” or “Can we agree to talk to each other with respect?”
3. Instead of “You hurt my feelings” try “Your actions have put me in a difficult position. The behavior you’re showing demonstrates that you don’t value the respect I have for you.” or “Your behavior reflects that you don’t respect me.”
4. Instead of “I never see you” or “We don’t spend enough time together” try “I love how you work so hard. I think a hard working man is sexy. I’m just concerned that you’re burning yourself out. Let me know when you’re ready for a break and I will make it worth your while.”
5. Instead of “What are we?” or “Where is this going?” try “I want to be clear as we move forward together that we share the same vision for this relationship. I understand and respect if you don’t want the same things as me, can I count on you to be clear about what you want?” or “I enjoy the time we spend together. I want to make sure we are on the same page (with this relationship.)” In this type of conversation, you must be prepared for him to respond either way, especially if it’s a negative response.
6. Instead of “Are you lying to me?” try “Has anything taken place that would compromise my trust for you?” or “Can I depend on you to be honest with me?”
7. Instead of “Are you seeing other women?” or “Am I the only one you’re seeing?” try “(I know you’re popular with the ladies) I prefer to have your full attention and dedication to what we are trying to build. We are building something together, right?” or “I am looking for someone who can be exclusive with me. Are you able to offer me that?” In this type of conversation, you must be prepared for him to say no. Respond with “If that is something you can’t give me, I understand and respect your choice.” Don't punish him for being honest.
8. Instead of “Are you listening to me?” try “I understand if you’re not in the mood to discuss this right now.” or “We can talk about this another time.”
9. Instead of “We need to talk” try “Is it okay if we have a discussion?” or “If there is something you want to share with me, I would love to hear your perspective too. It helps me to understand where you’re coming from.”
10. After a big argument or blow-out try “I apologize for anything I said that may have been disrespectful. It’s not right to dominate the discussion. Your input is valuable too. Let me know when you feel comfortable enough to revisit our discussion.”
Of course, this is not a cure-all for your relationship woes. Communication requires that all parties have committed to understanding each other to make the relationship work. If you are trying to improve the way you connect with your partner through verbal communication but they aren't receptive to it, your efforts may be in vain. This is a sign of deeper issues that may be hiding underneath the surface.