No, you're not the only one, kids. We've all been there before. The end of the road. The glass ceiling. We've all felt helpless and hopeless with regard to matters of the heart. What I'm getting at is that there's a person, maybe more, that have passed through your life, they may even be apart of it now, that you wanted. Badly, yet life or fate or some odd rash conspired against you and that which you sought was not to be had… Oh, dear readers make no mistake, I have felt this tug and I'm not sure what to do about it all and so I write.Here I sit in front of computer and keyboard and I wonder what is wrong with me. I come up with a longer list of bullet points than I'd like to think about, but I digress. I'm stuck with these feelings that I can't do anything with. What feelings? Feelings for a gal, of course; a friend… Well, a few different women. No, the pining is done and I know the the window for a relationship has long passed, but I occasionally think about them. I can't help it, really. It is what it is and I know it already.
The problem with the feelings I have is that they run me into a brick wall. The brick wall could manifest in any number of ways, understand.
Sometimes that brick wall is spirituality. I'm not a religious person, yet; one of the gals that runs through my mind frequently, is. She wants someone who is spiritual and I'm not spiritual. If I was, would there be a chance? Yes, but I am who I am. I need to be accepted for who I am, imperfections and all. On the other side of the coin, one shouldn't settle for less. If that means sticking to your beliefs then so be it. I can respect that.
Another type of proverbial brick wall is ones' own insecurity. I've had a friend for a number of years that I've always had a thing for. For a long time, I didn't feel worthy of this girl's affection. Then, when I became ready and learned to love who I was, she was seeing someone and my window had closed. In fact she's been married twice since. To some, I'm better off… Perhaps. Missing out on an opportunity, though, taught me never to miss another. That's why if there's a woman that I fancy, I let her know, even if that means losing her as a friend. Not knowing and trying, I think, is far, far worse torture than losing that friendship. At least I know I went for it.
Waah! I'm reflecting and whining, something I tend to do around the holidays. I don't know that there are lessons to be learned here, but I'd say that sometimes you just have to lay your cards down and hope you've got the better hand… That way you're in control and you always know where you stand.
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