How to Scratch Someone’s back

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Anatomy of the Perfect Back Scratch

Hey bub, don’t get too crazy on the scratchin’!

No, no. I’m not digging for content to write about here, folks. My girlfriend has gotten an up-close, hands-on training on scratching my back the way I like, much to her chagrin. You see, I’m a big bear of a man. I’m constantly rubbing against buildings and trees and, and… Wait. No, I’m not a pervert, now. I mean, I am, but I’m not sexually rubbing against things and/or people. That would be rude and cause for a citation from the local Po-Po. What I’m talking about is the perfect back scratching method and how YOU can be the person that makes everyone and anyone purr at your mere touch. Yes, YOU can be that person! Here’s how to do it

My hands, not my penis, or dashing/rugged-good looks are among the stuff of legend, according to women I’ve dated and women I have not dated but have known my scratchular touch (yes, I made that word up). So, given the high marks my hands have received, I feel I can speak from a place of authority on the subject of back scratches.

It’s all in the mind…

When you’re doing something you LOVE to do, you don’t really think about it, you just know you’re doing something you love to do and you “get on with it.” I’m not going to lie, it’s real work to massage, scratch, stroke and poke someone. More times than not, it’s NOT a labor of love. However, the first step in the mastery of a back scratching is that you must “feel” like it’s the best thing you could be doing with your time. Period. You have to believe it and internalize even if it’s a fucking like!

See and feel… with your hands!

I’m getting into some straight up mystical shit here, kids. If you close your eyes and feel around, you become more intimate with whatever it is you’re touching. You have to rely on this sense, if you will, more than anything else. You also have to put a little of yourself into it. Hang with me for a moment; indulge me for a moment, you assholes.

You know what feels good to you, were you to close your eyes you’d know how to… ummm… touch yourself, wouldn’t you? Of course you would. While no two people are alike, you can also use this by touching your partner in a way that you would like. What I mean is this: Close your eyes, touch/scratch/fondle your partner in a way that you might do to yourself. Yes, I just fucking said that! Now pay attention g– da—-t! (radio edit)

Seriously, I think this is the most important part of godly back scratching. If you can somehow project how you feel for your partner through your touch; they’ll know it because they really CAN feel it.

Music and lighting sets the mood…

Duh, right? Of course music and lighting set the effing mood! Think of what your partner enjoys listening to, think of something mellow and play it. Or, if you know better, then you choose. I have a station made from ‘Air’ on Pandora; that typically does the trick for this guy. Set them up on the bed, couch. Hell, even the floor could be an ideal place. Parks on a perfectly temperate day are also nice. If you can’t play music on your busted ass flip-phone, then learn to hum mother-f—ers!

Be unpredictable

If anyone massages you or scratches you for any length of time you’ll surely notice a pattern. Blah. Fucking boring, get off and go away. I’ll scratch my own damn back with the oak tree out front, thank you!

There’s a reason why having sex blindfolded is exhilarating. You don’t know what’s coming, it fucks with you mentally; challenges your imagination. When you feel a sensation  you weren’t expecting it can be mind blowing. While back scratching doesn’t nearly match amazing sex, it can be powerful when you don’t know how you’ll be touched, or how relaxed it will make you feel. TrueFax, yo!

You gotta feel it inside

I hear you guys snickering… even chortling! Knock it off, you jerk-off! If you don’t feel something special, or love, for the person you are making love to with your hands it’s really hard to project it. So be a good actor, if you don’t love em. That is, from a technical standpoint: good data in; good data out. In real-people speak: You you get out of the world what you put into it.

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yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn

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