Deciphering Our Douche Bag Card.

I was hav­ing lunch with a good friend of mine the other day and we were talk­ing about rela­tion­ships (what a sur­prise, right?) and we got to the topic of an area that they con­sis­tently have dis­agree­ments on: Hav­ing peo­ple over and host­ing a party.  My friend, she likes a good party and loves hav­ing her friends over; her guy, on the other hand, isn’t really com­fort­able with her set of friends, so he doesn’t really make an effort to throw a party and hems and haws about it.  He’s pulling the “douche bag card.”  My friend doesn’t feel appre­ci­ated because of his behav­ior.  Is her boyfriend being a non par­tic­i­pat­ing  jerk, dri­ven to thwart her party plan­ning ways, or is it some­thing else?  It’s a good ques­tion to ask.  I don’t think my friend, Alissa’s boyfriend, is cry­ing the blues about her want­ing to throw a party because he doesn’t love and appre­ci­ate her.  I really don’t.  He may in fact be wary of her friends.  That’s nor­mal.  What makes me say this is some­thing else that she told me.  You see, when Alissa was break­ing down how her boyfriend doesn’t like hang­ing out with her friends she really was talk­ing about all the times that he does go out with her and her friends.  The guy is actu­ally going out with Alissa and her friends.  Yet, every time, he makes a big stink about the whole thing.  Obvi­ously, he does this because he doesn’t want to be hang­ing out with her friends.  How­ever, there’s some­thing else to note here:  Alissa’s boyfriend really does love and appre­ci­ate her.  His way of show­ing this is through his will­ing­ness, grudg­ing will­ing­ness at that, to go out any­way.  When he’s com­plain­ing and throw­ing a fit about it all, the ini­tial thought is to think “oh great, now my boyfriend is mak­ing me feel like an ass­hole because I made him come out with me and the girls.”  What I think we’re really see­ing is that the boyfriend is show­ing that he does love and appre­ci­ate Alissa, his way of show­ing it is through his dis­dain of the situation.

That’s how we men work, maybe not all of us, but, in gen­eral, if we’re doing some­thing that we don’t like, because you asked us to and we’re just pissed and cry­ing about it all, just know that we’re still doing what you asked us to do and our love and appre­ci­a­tion is wrapped up in that thorny lit­tle wrap­per of com­plaint, piss and vinegar.

I’d go so far as to say that if your man is doing things for you that he’s not really into and they bother him, yet he doesn’t com­plain, I think that he either has no back­bone or maybe he just doesn’t care as much and he’s ulti­mately try­ing to get some­thing from you, like some “heavy pet­ting” later.  That’s just my opin­ion, though.

So the next time, ladies, you ask your guy to do some­thing and he’s breath­ing fire and brim­stone about it, remem­ber, he’s still doing what you needed and not because he’s doing it for him­self, he’s doing it for you.  So you bet­ter go do some­thing for him.

Until next time, ladies, piss your man off… A lot.

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