15 Things NOT to Say on a Date (Famous Last Words).

So this is a brief, but fun entry that I think is aptly titled “Famous Last Words.”  It’s no secret that over the years I’ve prob­a­bly said a great many things to not get myself laid.  It’s sec­ond nature to me, really.  So I’m pro­vid­ing a small col­lec­tion of things that, if said, will prob­a­bly not get you laid regard­less of your sex­ual inclinations.

A cou­ple of these (no not all of them!) I’ve said to hor­rific effect.  I could let you guess what things I did say… But I’m not gonna.  I’m sure the gen­eral opin­ion of my dat­ing prowess is already pretty low on the suck-​​scale-​​of-​​doom.  So I’ll tell you that I did attempt my Yoda/​Chewbacca beat box per­for­mance on one date… There wasn’t a sec­ond one, need­less to say…

• :: I used to bring my ex to this place all the time.  Look! There they are now!!
• :: Your dad was bet­ter in bed.

• :: Wow! That was some fan­tas­tic sex!! Def­i­nitely in my top five!

• :: They way you eat reminds me of my friend’s Dodge Charger, only messier.

• :: Do you mind if I’m married?

• :: What’s going on with your nose?

• :: Try­ing to impress your date with your Yoda and/​or Chew­bacca impersonation.

• :: Telling your date how you just got a check up and you came back clean.

• :: Telling your date that your recent check up came back… unclean.

• :: I have a con­fes­sion to make…

• :: My mom and my uncle have been mar­ried for years and they’re great.

• :: Sec­ond cousins don’t count…
• :: Are you nor­mally this ugly, or is it the lighting?

• :: I got a sore on my mouth… Did you get one, too? (said the fol­low­ing day, after the first kiss)
• :: I’ve been watch­ing you for a while now…

Related posts:

1. 6 Things You Shouldn’t Do On a Date.
2. Dat­ing Recipes: the Artsy Cul­tural Date Thing.
3. How Not to Get Punched in the Neck on the First Date.
4. Dat­ing Recipes 101: Beyond the First Date
5. The Three Dreaded Words.