The Urge to be Dumb

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I don’t know why I do the dumb things that I do. It’s not genetic. I can’t blame it one someone else. I’m just a dumb, dumb idiot; a true nincompoop, if ever there was one. Why? I’ll get to it.

I’ve got baggage. One woman a dated long ago dubbed me “baggage boy” in her blog. Yep. I had lots of shit to deal with; I still do, but it’s neatly tucked away now and there for all to see. That is, I don’t have a problem telling people what things I’ve got in my carry-ons.

the urge to be dumbI have reflected on the series of dumb things I’ve done in life and where it’s all brought me to. I’ve been with some good women the last few years. I’ve been lucky in love in that sense, because I did find women who I loved and who loved and respected me. I walked away from each relationship though. Friends and family shook their heads in disbelief. My grandfather cussed “The fucking, kid is no kid! Fuck!” (followed by a plethora of expletives rapidly fired in Español).

These decisions, each time, have made life a little more difficult than it had been previously and has brought up a series of questions, with few answers at the ready.

Do I like to do dumb things? Perhaps. Do I fear commitment? Eh, I dunno. I’d like to think it doesn’t scare me. I wanted marriage with both of my previous exes. The kids thing was always the sticking issue, though. Finding people to talk to on this topic is hard because people tend to want kids. I’m in the minority of social misfits that don’t want them.

I knew I could always turn to my partner-in-blog, Taylor Cast, but then she went and got preggo. Now she’s excited. Fucking gross! Fuck, fuckity-fuck! I am not amused; not one bit and everywhere I turn are people with their chubby faced, wee babies. Queue my rolling of the eyes.

There are more decisions I’ve shied away from over the years that have clouded and made more difficult a life. I’m not alone here. Perhaps I should revisit these obvious patterns in life and reassess.

I know. This is a boring ass introspective post with little meaning to you, the reader, no doubt. That’s okay. If you want to derive meaning from something, start your own blog asshole.

Until next time, leave me to ambiguity, salted wounds and up close photos of the horizon…

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yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn

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Comments

  1. says

    You’re an asshole. But a lovable one. It’s okay if you think babies are stupid. I don’t but I totes want to hear your thoughts so don’t be afraid to bitch about em. We can tell dead baby jokes if u want!!!

  2. TimTim says

    I believe you are very practical in choosing not to have kids….. to begin with they are obvoiusly cute and all those things…but wht about all the sleepless nights and toilet training that goes behind bringing thm up.. also the fact that your priorities entirely and completely change in life. This bundle of joy maybe a bundle of joy to begin with, but what about all the issues you face while they are growing up. Also,and this is my main point of contention. This world that we live in is not easy. We all have to work hard and toil to have a decent life. Yes, we have our moments of fabulousness however, between those moments is a lot of hardwork. Would you want to put anyone you claim to love through this? I know i wouldnt. And finally, if you really are feeling so maternal/paternal, are there not enough children on this planet already begging for attention? Would it not be a lot more noble to actually just take the time, effort, energy and finances to make an already living persons life better instead of bringing another soul into this planet? Cheers to you for knowing what you want. And trust me… we all have issues – thats what makes us human.

    • yannibmbr says

      TimTim, thanks for the kind words. I think one of my biggest “nays” for having children is the re-routing of priorities. Call it selfish, but that’s just how I feel. Truly. But you make some other compelling points, too, that I’ve no doubt thought a lot about.

  3. fishmongerairlines says

    There’s something to be said for taking a risk when you aren’t sure you’re ready, but as someone who was once a kid and therefore is an expert on the topic, I’ll also say this: Choosing not to have them because you don’t want to sacrifice your entire life for them is not only smart for yourself but better for society in general. Sure, there are plenty of great parents who didn’t plan on being parents, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you if you don’t want to become one of them.

    • yannibmbr says

      Fishmongerairlines, eh? You make-ah me life, girl. =)

      Thanks for the kind words. My heads all a mess these days, trying to figure this shit out. I thought I had, but I really haven’t. The whole thing goes a little deeper than this article reveals. Definitely to be talked about over vodka infused hot cocoa.

  4. says

    Dudeeeeee, i NEVER wanted kids. blame my birth control that got recalled. you know that my fiance and i are still not kid people. we make ugly faces every time we see bratty kids. so you can of course still bitch to me about how everyone went & got knocked up. trust me i feel you. kids aren’t for everybody, hell i’m still not sure they are for me. i think it’s a good thing you don’t cave into things you don’t want for your life. you know you better than anyone else so stick to your guns and keep looking for the other person who will make barfing sounds and roll their eyes when i make you babysit.

  5. says

    Im with ya buddy. Ive broken up with great women simply because they have wanted kids and I havent. The world isnt a place to bring children in especially if you have other priorities in life. Im 33 years old. I dont know how old you are but hey sticking to your guns and not wanting kids and being open and honest about it is legit and awesome in my book.

    Shoot i have friends up north who are married and both dont want kids and they are happy as hell living life. So im sure u will find an awesome woman out there who doesnt want kids.

    So whats the main reason for you not wanting them? For me its simple. I have too mich going on to reallocate my life. Doesnt mean i hate kids just means i dont want them.

    Problem for me is im honest about this when i date. Guess most women want kids and families. How do u do it when u date. Do u tell them straight up that u dont want kids? Any help would be appreciated amigo!

    • digisavvy says

      It’s not complicated. I don’t mind the world we live in. The world has been shitty for some time and I don’t think now is any worse to have kids than it was back when the black plague was off killing folks. It’s just the way it works.

      I’m kind of a selfish fella. I don’t want to set aside my life for a child. Sure, that means I’ll grow old and live in a toilet or worse when I’m older, but I’m fine with that fate. Just having kids has never been something i wanted. I’ve never said: “That’s the life I want for me!” My former partner Taylor felt the same way until she didn’t. So even the staunchest opponent of a notion is only pencil strong to uphold it, I suppose.

      But, yeah, not for this guy.

      • says

        Im with you bro and kudos for sticking to that. There are plenty of women out there that feel the same way as well. Heres to you meeting one someday.

        Im in that same boat. Selfish. Just dont see me having nor wanting kids either. Does it make me a bad guy. Hell no. I just dont feel like having them.

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