Why Long Engagements Sometimes Don’t Work

Wedding bells, beautiful wedding gowns, grandiose wedding receptions, romantic prenuptial photo shoot, exhausting yet enjoyable wedding preparations – these are just what every couple would usually deal with as they prepare to become husbands and wives. The thought of walking down the aisle towards your dream guy or the sight of your lovely bride walking towards you will be nothing compared to any romantic novels or movies you've ever seen because by that time it will be your own love story that will make its mark in your life and in the memories of each and every witness during that priceless moment in your life. But before the wedding, engagement comes first. Oftentimes, the wedding comes shortly after the engagement. But there are those who opt for a longer engagement period–and sometimes long engagements don't work.

Longer engagement periods are usually brought about by various reasons depending on the couple. Some are due to sudden change of the relationship status from being together to being in a long-distance relationship. In cases like this, the couples are usually torn between getting married first prior to being away from each other or to get married as soon as they are back in each other's arms. I highly recommend the first option.

Remember that anything can happen while you two are away from each other. What if he is seeing his ex after some time? What if you get the chance to catch up with your ex-boyfriend who happens to be your first love? Yes, I completely understand that you both don't want to pressure each other but why did you decide to get engaged in the first place? Distance is and should never be a reason to wait if you already found “the one”.

Longer engagement can mean longer time for both of you to get to know each other.

This reason makes sense. In fact, often times, this causes the urge to live together first prior to getting married. So what's the purpose of getting engaged then if you will just decide to live together without getting married first?

Isn't it interesting, however, that as you live with the man or woman of your dreams you'll discover something new each waking day of your married life? What's there to discover when you already know everything about each other? If either of the two of you isn't ready to risk every single day of your married life knowing something negative about your partner, then you shouldn't have ventured through it by getting engaged.

“What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” ~ Mark 10:9

The above mentioned line should be enough to entrust everything in His hands as you go along with your life as husband and wife. Any negative issues against each other should be handled together. Or at the onset of any attitude that you won't like, did you want to easily leave her or give him back to his parents since you two aren't married yet?

Longer engagement can hasten the time of falling out of love. Considering that you already know each other it is possible that either of you will eventually fall out of love. When almost all mystery of each other has been exposed you might no longer appeal to your partner.

Dealing with your partner's snore at bed time, meticulousness, and all other surprising attitudes is a lot easier than dealing with a partner who has already fallen out of love. Although, it is possible for the other to fall out of love whether married or not, at least there is redemption in marriage. Security and an unlimited chance to fall in love over and over and over again are higher with marriage than without its seal.

Longer engagement can mean more time for preparation. Assuming that by preparation I mean wedding preparation, which can be acceptable. But then again, although every girl fancies a grand wedding, all preparations should be focused on the two of you; that is, the start of your new life together. Unfortunately, most huge weddings with very intricate wedding preparations are made simply to impress each and every guest in your wedding.

There are those who wait for more sensible reasons. For example, one soon-to-be-wife might want to finish her Master's degree first. A future-husband would want to pay off all his personal debts first. Then there are those who are planning to save up money first. Practicality-wise, all these may be acceptable, but only when you wish for a fairy-tale wedding with someone who would want her name etched with PhD at the end rather than her husband's last name on their wedding invitation or a not-so-economical wedding with someone who would rather want his photos on Forbes magazine than on your wedding photos.

Longer engagement can eventually lead to not getting married at all. More often than not, couples who are in a long-term engagement won't set the exact date of their marriage. There are couples who would wait for years before they realize that they are no longer getting married. Isn’t that a complete waste of time?

Yes, big things such as weddings take time. But big things shouldn't take longer time. Excitement may soon die down if you are made to wait for big things to happen. The longer the wait, the higher is the chance for broken engagement.

Unless, of course, both of you are not really the marrying type, then by all means, go ahead with the longer engagement period. Remember that no one gets married simply because he/she is 100% ready for it financially and economically or even psychologically and emotionally. The reality that there will be future instances in your married life that you won’t be even see them coming is surprisingly awesome and worth all the risk and adventure. No amount of preparation can ever replace the fun of diving into the sea of being happy and sad, blessed and broke, in sickness and in health. Once you found the one, let God be the centre of your relationship, and everything else will just fall into their proper places.