Today we’re offering up a something a little different. Today’s piece is from ‘Consumingtheart,’ a long time reader, first time contributor to the Urban Dater. Today she’s going to provide us with a very personal, heart-felt, goodbye letter. I’ve always been fascinated with the notion of a “Dear John” letter. Writing a letter provides an excellent forum for sorting through our thoughts, revisiting them, and putting them to paper… er… email; makes me want to play Lucinda Williams’s ‘Out of Touch.’ Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy and do let us know what you think in the comments below! – Alex
Hey! My guess is I’m sitting right in front of you right now, and you’re wondering why I don’t just talk to you. Well, the main reason is because I don’t want to mess this up. I’m afraid if we just talk, I’ll miss something and beat myself up on my way home for forgetting. I want to thank you for the things you’ve taught me.
When we met, you were so wonderful; everything about you took my breath away. You were quirky and honest and full of life, I couldn’t help but be near you… by the end of that first night, we were holding hands, passed out on the floor behind the couch; I hope you remember that. It was the night I fell in love. Thank you for that. I will carry it with me always. Thank you also, for all the late night talks we had. There was always something about the way you listened that made me feel like the only person in the world. It wasn’t always bad between us. I want you to remember that. Thank you for introducing me to Cowboy Bebop. It is my favorite cartoon because you were in my life. Thank you for taking an interest in learning about my culture. I remember your butchered Spanish sentences- but hey, you were trying. Thank you for missing me when I traveled. I always felt loved, even though you never said it.
Sam, you have inspired me to write more, to love more, to be more patient and to forgive. I forgive you for making me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you. I forgive you for embarrassing me in front of my friends. I forgive you for keeping me at arm’s length and waiting until you had feelings for someone else to talk to me. I forgive you for breaking my heart into a million pieces. Not because I’m better than you, not because I am good but because I’m not angry anymore. You have been the greatest love of my life, thus far; also my greatest disappointment. But even in all of the pain and the hurt, there was growth. I learned to have boundaries, I learned my self-worth was more than you’d allowed. I learned to love out loud. I learned not to wait to share my thoughts and feelings.
I own myself today, because of you. I suppose a part of me will always love you. That’s what’s most amazing about love, isn’t it? There’s no getting it back once you give it away. Sam, thank you for being a part of my life, even for just the moments we shared. I will keep you close to my heart and hope you will do the same. Promise me you’ll forgive yourself for your part in the ugly things that have transpired between us, let’s not hang on to the past. I come clean today so I may walk away… I hope you can do the same.
Love you always, Charlie-