What's in a Pet Name Anyway?

How would you like it if I called you "turd?"

This is probably my favorite badge of all the times. Right next to the pic of me and yo mama doin it!

Sugar Plum; Babe; Stud; Tits Magee; Cuddle Bear; Snookums; Sweetie; Shorty; Dumpling; Woman. You might be looking at these names, pet names, and saying to yourself “Alex, have you really been called ALL of these names? Really!?” I’m the first one to tell you that Woman and Tits Magee have been used as terms of endearment. That’s right, kids. I’m going to own that mo’ fo! Not that I’m proud of being called Tits Magee. Prison changes a man, dammit!

Obviously, when we’re caught within the snare of a relationship, however casual or serious it may be, there’s a possibility a pet name has been assigned to you.
Carrie Bradshaw’s done it and my blogger contemporaries do it. Nick names or pet names; whatever you want to call it, tumble around in a person’s head. The names get assigned. They just do.

I know that we, as a people, have a need to label things. Some of us label the person we have sex with as a boyfriend or wife, or the Best Buy Stereo System installation guy (Though, that last nick name isn’t a nick name more than it is a job position. Just sayin). Where does that need to label; to name come from? I think it’s part survival skill. If a guy comes up with a particularly cute pet name for his partner, chances are it’s likely to help him not get kicked in the stomach by said partner if he pisses them off. This has worked for me once but has failed miserably other times.

Generally, I have never preferred being called by a pet name. That is, unless you call me “The “Indomitable Earth Smashing Vaginator,” or the “Man Missle.” I think it stems from my innate discomfort around all things cute, like kittens, babies or Sandra Bernhardt.

I’ve just never preferred the pet names. I don’t give em, I shoot an evil eye to those that give them to me.

Perhaps it’s because I’m a sensible and grounded, if random, guy. If the name makes sense, I could get on board with it. If my girl called me “Man Beef” or “Tall Handsome and Exceedingly Gorgeous Plum” I’d be okay with that, I think. As it stands, though, my woman has not assigned either unique pet name to me.

However, being in a relationship changes a man over the course of time, like waves smashing a cliff and eroding the rock face, like a large Prisoner who asserts his manhood upon you. Thus being with my girlfriend has opened me up to become more accepting of pet names. No, no. I’m not going to tell you what they are. Those names are just for me and I’m not sharing them! I will say that they are meant to be endearing and because I know how my gal feels about me; I can appreciate their sincerity and inherent goofiness hand in hand. It’s how my girlfriend shows love…

So what’s in a pet name? A lot more than you thought, Brochacho. 😉

Fellas, don’t call your lady a “turd.” She won’t like it. At all. She might kick you in the belly just for good measure. Be warned.

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Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn


  1. brightsidegirl says

    Clever you are, sir Alex! Gorgeous Plum and Man Beef? I was waiting around all day for those two to show up. Nicely expressed.

    • Alex says

      Nothing makes a man feel like a man until you call him "man beef!" Just sayin'! Or you could shorten it up and call him "meef.!"

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