Should You Check Your Partner’s Texts And Emails?

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checking your boyfriend's textsDecades ago couples had much more privacy than they do today, compliments of the technological age we find ourselves in now. A private conversation merely entailed talking on the phone in an empty room, or exchanging words face to face. Today, however, there is a “paper trail” of dialogue left by way of emails and text messages.

Of course, emails and smartphones can have passwords to protect privacy, but it can cause a rift in a couple’s relationship if one partner refuses to give the other access. In fact, denying a lover access to such information can create suspicion and doubt, even if there is nothing to hide!

Respecting one’s privacy is important in a healthy relationship, so it is wrong to be checking your partner’s emails and text messages. Again, this dynamic is something men and women didn’t have to struggle with in the past, whereas today it can tear relationships apart. Should you check your partner’s texts and emails?

Do You Trust Your Partner?

Healthy relationships are built on trust – so why would you feel the urge to read private emails and text messages? The need to read can be a red flag that your relationship is struggling where trusting one another is concerned.

Emails And Texts Can Be Misinterpreted

One of the big dangers in reading other people’s emails and texts is that they are frequently short snapshots of a conversation. They can easily be misinterpreted – not only in the message they send, but in the tone as well. Another danger is in you discovering a surprise he’s planning for you – many people plan marriage proposals via text message or email, and what if you were to spoil something like that?

Would You Want Your Partner Reading Your Messages?

Sometimes we can be a bit hypocritical where trust is concerned. We may have our own secret email account for privacy’s sake, yet we want to know anything and everything going on with our lover. This obviously isn’t fair or healthy for the relationship.

Are You An Open Book?

Some people have no trouble at all with allowing their boyfriend or girlfriend to read their emails and texts, sharing passwords and the like without ever being asked. But that doesn’t mean your partner feels the same way. Just because you share it all doesn’t mean he or she has to feel the same way.

Privacy Is Natural

Everyone, even a spouse, is entitled to some privacy. It is natural and shouldn’t be perceived as a threat anymore than it was decades ago when a husband or wife talked on a phone in another room. It doesn’t mean a man or woman has something to hide if he or she would like a private email account or secure password.

When it comes to questioning if it is right or wrong to check a partner’s emails or texts, the question you should be asking yourself is why you feel the need to be checking in the first place. Anyone familiar with technological gadgets knows that emails and texts can be erased or deleted, so what is it that you are hoping to find?

Many couples have joint emails that family or friends send messages to. But then they can also desire having their own separate accounts as well. This desire for privacy is both natural and healthy in humans – something everyone deserves, no matter how healthy the couple may be. If you feel the need to read personal messages, the odds are that trust is a concern in your relationship. Take some time to look inside of yourself, rather than in your partner’s phone or computer, and you may find the answer you’re looking for.

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Grace Pamer is the author of Romance Never Dies, a blog which offers advice on how to put together the best marriage proposal ideas possible.

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Comments

  1. says

    I think checking your partner’s texts and emails cross the line. Relationships should be about trust — it isn’t healthy and it says a lot about a couple if they’re constantly snooping around to check text messages and emails. However, if you’re checking your partners text and emails to retrieve certain information like important documents, that’s fine…Also, asking permission to go through them can help, but I’m pretty sure the first thing they’d ask is “Why?”

    Good post though, Grace.

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