You’ve heard the expression: “Relationships are hard and they require work.” God damn right to both points, good people. Relationships are hard and they do, in fact, require work. Have you ever been in a relationship that feels like every day is a new day with your sweetie; like it’s brand new? No. No you don’t have that relationship. Why? Because those relationships don’t exist. As people we like what we like and we do what we do. When you’re in a relationship it’s a constant battle, a struggle, of how much can I do that will not make my significant other think I’m more of an asshole than I already am. Make no mistake, brochacho, that street goes two ways, not one.
People in relationships are like a mortar and pestle; an immovable object and an irresistible force; Chuck Norris and Mr. T in the same room. It’s just too much shit in one place and you can’t do much with either item because of time and investment. What does any of what I’m saying have to do with the title of this fucking blog post? I’m getting there, shit head. Truly. I’m getting there. These things, relationships, are hard fucking work. I’ve already said that. People in them are generally in them for the right reasons, thus, you have two well-meaning folks digging in and building a life together by supporting each other and bringing their lives together. I could sing a song about that shit.
Then there’s this thing called “time.” Time doesn’t give a shit about your aspirations, Time doesn’t care about chemistry and interaction, Time doesn’t give a shit about anything. Time is like a pissed off blind bull in an antique store. It doesn’t give a shit about anything that it affects and it puts things in motion; changes feelings, memories and sentiments. You don’t even notice Time. Then you’ll reach that moment. The moment where you realize that the more time you spend, the more you waste it doing what you’re doing; building what you’re building.
Wow, Alex. You’re a depressing heaping pile of shit. Yes, Tom, yes I am. Perhaps I sound jaded. Perhaps I sound like relationships are shitty and not worth the time you put into them. I wouldn’t say any of that. I’m simply saying the notion of relationships that last the rest of your days may be… I dunno, not worth while. I think it’s a notion that is antiquated. I think dealerships had it right when they introduced the “lease.” You get a new car every few years, for a minimal investment and you pay something each month, depending on how well qualified a lessee you are. Relationships might be better served if there were a leasing option, no?
No one gets into a relationship knowing it’s going to end. You’d think that was dumb, like staring into the sun, or drinking a gallon of milk, if you’re lactose intolerant (well, that’s just a shitty idea sans lactose intolerance). But I did that very thing. I got into a relationship knowing that the topic of kids was going to come up and yet I dove head first into that effing thing. It was dumb. I wasted my time and my exe’s. Or did I? We had many great times together; we shared much of ourselves and our worlds. The stuff of romantic comedies; that’s the type of shit I’m talking about people. But it ended, after only a couple years…
I don’t think people cry when they trade in their old lease for a new one. Do they? Probably not. Or maybe they do; people are fucking weird. Anyway, would a breakup be more difficult if you knew ahead of time, your relationship was finite and that you had x years together? Would you give as much of yourself if you knew that regardless of how awesome things were, it would just end? I’ve pondered these questions lately. I think we’re sold a concept that a “happily ever after” exists and that we should reach for it. I’ve seen friends who are in relationships and just hang on because, well, it’s just a motion they go through. I’ve seen relationships crash and burn brilliantly, only to reignite, burn out again and reignite; it’s almost tiring to watch. I think the relationships that are tragic are the ones you know more than any are destined to fail and crumble, yet you work on it anyway. That’s a metaphor for so many things in the world today. I won’t get into that… What I will say is that the stories I’ve been most compelled by are the ones that do have a start and a definite finish. I get that. It makes sense to me.
Relationships as a lease. I think I could take that for a spin.