The Day draws nearerer. Valentine’s Day, the great marketing campaign of our time. Hallmark and other large companies that feast upon the romantically inclined people of the world would have you believe that you need to get out there, buy a card and candles, lotions and all sorts of weird stuff to show that you care about your significant other. Let me tell you people something: Everyday you should that special someone in your life that they are, in fact special. Think small, kids. People love the “little things” in life… Actually, that’s not entirely true. I dated a woman who thrashed that notion altogether. I won’t get into the details, but she made it abundantly clear that while she liked the “little things” she didn’t like them to be “THAT little.” Moving on…
So I’ve scraped together a few off beat date ideas for Valentine’s Day. Use these at your own risk and plan ahead. Really, don’t be trying to read this article the DAY OF Valentine’s Day. I’ll know that you did, via Google Analytics!!! I will then proceed to ridicule you. (*On a side note, there’s a service called Woopra, which does live analytics on your website. It actually has a feature that lets you chat with users that are visiting your site. Cool, huh? I could actually ridicule you and call you names if I saw you looking at this post on VDay, in real-time. For some reason that really appeals to me… On to your regularly scheduled article.)
- Get a chef-like (or an actual chef) friend to cook something up for you. Me, personally, I have a friend who’s a chef. The guy’s pretty amazing actually and on that note when your chef friend gets married you best make sure you’re there, the food will be amazing! Anyway, take your date out, perhaps for a movie. Let your chef prepare your meal for you while you’re out, that way when you come home the place will smell amazing and you’ll have a great dinner waiting for you. On top of that it’ll be a nice surprise. This may also be a good time to exchange gifts and such.
Just don’t do it on the dinner table, at least wait for chef-boyardee to leave… Unless you’re into the whole people watching thing. Pervs.
- Go on a romantic hike. I’m fortunate to live in an area with many parks and nature reserves. Many of these parks offer a guided hike on Valentine’s day. How cool is it to go for a nice hike and learn something at the same time. If you’re a multi tasker, bring some food with you and make a picnic out of it, too. Just be sure to hide your booze or, at the very least, be prepared to share with your guide.
- Go on a boat, balloon, gondola ride. I don’t know what it is, but women are weird. They like floating on shit. Pardon my Lebanese, but it’s true! In my experiences taking a significant other on a boat, gondola or pogo stick ride shows them that you care. Perhaps they are happy you’re not making them walk. Of course, if I detect this I push them off the boat, gondola, balloon or pogo stick. I’m an asshole like that, I can’t have women thinking I’m a softy. Nope!
- Break up your date across a few different locales. This one may be a bit impractical to do on Vday given the fact that EVERYONE is going to be at a restaurant on that day… So I suggest you pick, three spots to have dinner, dessert and appetizers and then make reservations at each place, if possible. Try picking places that are romantic, or even sentimental to you such as the place you went on your first date, or the place where you were banned from for doing it on the shuffle board table. Real romantic stuff here, people.
- Take a walking tour of your town or nearby city. Many city’s have themed walking tours that you can take part in. This is a fun way to get to know your town and also spark up some rigorous romance. If you’re like me, though, you’re trying to wear your date down so that she’s not able to resist you when you put the moves on her, which works best if said woman is in poor health. Tread cautiously.
Tomorrow we look at ways to torch your Valentine’s Day, so stay tuned!
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