Ask the Urban Dater: Dating Vs. Friendship

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Not only am I an a-hole in real life, but I play one on TV, too. One of the joys I receive, is the chance to help a fellow Urban Dater. Today’s question comes from Osvaldo O’Sanchez, if Bird-in-Hand, PA, who always reminds us that one in the hand is worth two in the bush…

This question is a little counter-intuitive. That is, I normally hear from guys who don’t want to “just be friends” with women; normally it’s the opposite. No one guy wants to take a ride in the Friendsmobile. But Osvaldo, does… That said, let’s get to this Bizarro World post!

Dating vs. Friendship, and Is there a friendship connection site, or can one use How about we…? for this?
I would like to date, but am also interested in simply making friends with someone who is at a similar stage in life: male or female. Gender doesn’t matter to me right now as much as finding someone with whom I can go to the gym with, read a book with, study with, cook with, explore some local sights with, and interact with as an equal. [And no, I’m not looking for a dog; my parents wouldn’t have that ;] Actually, I am both employed and a college graduate, however, for various reasons I know that dating would not be wise right now. Even so, I can see the potential benefit to me from using a site like How about we… Do you think that it is o.k. to use How about we… to find a friend? If not, is there a site that you would recommend for one to use to find potential friends? I don’t currently own a smart phone; and would prefer to use an actual website as opposed to an app anyways. Thank you for your time.

Osvaldo, you seem like a pretty cool, kid. I dig that you aren’t straight up looking for the poon! When a guy isn’t looking to get laid is precisely when he does get laid. It’s that whole thing about not “trying too hard.”

As you’ve surmised, dating sites are a great way to meet like-minded and attractive co-eds that are willing to hang out with you… However, most people on these sites aren’t looking to exchange high fives after a grueling 6 mile run around the Rose Bowl. These people typically want something deeper than a one night stand, or an energy-transference-slap can provide…

Whaddya do?

The good thing you have working in your favor is that there are easy approaches to achieve what you want. I’m posting up some alternatives for you to think about. While it’s not a conclusive list, perhaps it will get you thinking of other opportunities that may be available to you.

  • Attend Yelp Events
  • Attend/Start a Meetup Group
  • Get your friends together for an activity

dating friendsThe idea here isn’t unlike what you’re trying to do. That is, you want to get out there, meet someone cool, but have some good-natured non-committed. I’ll cover my thoughts on each item above.

Yelp Events — Yelp events are a great way to meet similarly-minded folks that are social and want to get out there and do new things; go to new places. I attended a number of these a few years back and made a couple friends in the process, but also went on some dates with some of the women I’d randomly meet. Low pressure and good times. Mostly food and drink related events is what I found, which is okay.

Meetup Groups — These events, you’ll find, will be more varied. You can find the same type of stuff as above, but you can also find groups that meet to discuss a variety of topics, ranging from the arts, to politics to furry fetishes. You name it, it’s probably out there. I’m part of a meetup group that meets to run a few times a week and I LOVE it. While I haven’t dated anyone in this group, there are those I’d definitely want to go out with for that purpose. We’re all active, sweaty and there’s a certain about that that is so damn sexy.

Friend Activities — These tend to be a little more relaxed and intimate. But no less opportunity for good times. You might be thinking: ” But my friends? I don’t want to date them!!! And they don’t know anyone I’d want to date!!” Perhaps that’s true, brochacho. Perhaps. You never know, though. Your friends will know someone new they can invite and I would highly recommend that your friends invite some “fresh blood” to your gathering. But what would you do? Movie night, Get fucked up on shots night, Get high night, board game night. While a couple of those may not go well with all, the board games and movies are typical crowd pleasers and offer a great way to meet folks for the first time.

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yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don't be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn

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