Most of the people who come to this site are women. Which is great. I love the fuck out of women. With the holidays upon us, I’ve thought a lot about why women get frustrated with dating online.
The fact of that matter is that my male brethren kind of suck. That is, we’re all a bunch of dorks; turds and general fuck heads who have little idea about what to do or say on a date. I’ve given countless dating tips on this here site. I’ve done it so much for dudes. So I’m going to share some of my own insights and hopefully they help you.
LIE ABOUT YOUR Profile Information
Look, us guys are visual creatures. Not too many guys are looking for what a women’s interests are. They mostly just don’t do that. So what do they look for? Let’s see, race, age, height, physical build; basically physical stuff. This should come as no surprise. Guys want a nice looking package; good arm candy. The compatibility part, or whether or not the woman is actually a good person and not a sundering thunder cunt is typically secondary or even tertiary in importance.
What? I’m telling you to lie!!? Well, yeah, I am. Look. If you jack up your height to a ridiculous figure, 6’5″ plus, or 4ft nothing, and, perhaps a body type of huge or bodybuilder (or similar, whatever your dating site allows for) you can get around many of the messages that the general doofus will send. Many men will “carpet bomb” the fuck out of dating sites, sending the same message to tens or hundreds of women at a time. Fudging key stats such as age, weight, height etc can give you a fighting chance and not get buried underneath the weight of douche baggery that often trolls dating sites like POF or OkCupid.
That said, in your profile itself, do be honest about the shit you fibbed on and state why. No one likes surprises…
Tell Tale Signs You Should GTFO…
For the uninitiated “GTFO” = “Get the Fuck Out!” Yeah. Here are a few things to watch out for.
- Lots of talk about sexual preferences before you’ve actually had the sex. Sure, it’s nice to know if there’s chemistry. But, trust me here, you’ll know if there’s chemistry that will lead to Bedtime Olympics based on a whole lot of other stuff not related to sex. To me, talking about sex early on is like putting the cart before the horse. If a guy initiates this talk it’s probably best to walk the other way, unless you want something that’s uncomplicated by stupid shit like commitment and feelings n’ stuff.
- Talking about Moms and Exes. Look. Both items are crucial topics to be dealt with in time. My relationship with my mom has ups and downs, like a number of folks. Bitching about my mom isn’t likely to get me into your pants now, is it? Also, while I’m quite fond of my ex, I shouldn’t be talking about her with you on the first few dates. If you want to ask me how that relationship ended, that’s okay, but if I go on and on about her, that should be a red flag. In fact, you may be wise to back off initiating a talk on that subject, unless you’re trying to gauge what type of dude you’re dealing with.
Ways to Let a Dude Down
- Be honest — Tell the guy “I’m just not feeling any chemistry here” and be done with it. It’s not easy, but it’s direct and will get your point across.
- The One Armed Hug — Hold your face away, look away, throw a quick one-armed hug around the dude after the date, if you’re not interested. Bonus points if you give him a hi-five instead. That’s such a dick move and one I find hot… Just not when it’s done to me. =)
- If your date didn’t get that you weren’t interested and you don’t want to be a complete bitch and ignore him. Reply in a way that doesn’t invite conversation. Close-ended responses are the best approach in my opinion. You’re not leaving things open to conversation and you get to not be a total bitch to some random fucker.
- Really, just see #1 and do that, bitch! Gosh!
Letting Someone Know You Want More…
Inevitably you’re going to meet a guy who isn’t a dork, who fucks you right and makes you yearn for him and consider the possibility of a real future. Good for you, asshole! You’re a winner! =) But how do you let a guy know that you’re anxious about him, want him to wear a chastity belt and basically do your bidding without sounding like a complete psycho-bitch head case with daddy issues? Well, as a guy, I think it’s pretty easy.
What it comes down to, for a woman, is that she wants to know that this guy is actually a good guy. She wants to know she picked someone who will be true; who won’t judge her and that wants to be a partner in crime. Fair enough. At some point we all want that.
- Have the talk, if you feel like you need to have the talk. I honestly don’t get women who are afraid to talk about how they feel to the guy they’re dating. He’s either into your, or he isn’t. You talking to him will either bring you closer, or send you off on a quest for Mr. Right, again. How is this a bad thing???Tell the guy that you like him, that you really want to take things to the ‘next level’ and see where things go. Communicate what you want. It’s likely that you’re not looking to just fuck around, so state that. If a guy is on the same level, he’ll be relieved and if he isn’t a complete boob he will communicate his feelings as well. “But what if he’s just not ready?” Well, that happens. And I encourage you to be patient. But if you need to know, girl, then you need to know and you need to put yourself out there. If a guy can’t commit, it’s his loss and you need to move on.
- Introduce the guy to your family. This is the step beyond introducing him to your friends. When you introduce a guy to your family that’s telling to him, unless he’s a complete nincompoop incapable of discerning social cues. If that’s the case, you lose, find another dude. But, I’d say that bringing him around your family, or at least giving him the option to hang around your family should tell you if he’s ready for something more serious.
- What does he do? I’m adamant here. His actions tell a story. Whatever it is that he does; whatever his actions are, they will draw you closer, or push you apart. That’s just nature, kids. If he’s doing things to bring you closer together, having the talk should be a no-brainer. If you can’t tell, then you probably have more issues than a magazine stand and you are your own fucking problem. iF that’s you GTFO and fix yourself!!!
Hopefully these tips help you navigate the waters of online dating. If they help, let me know!